Sunday, May 30, 2010
Finally my exams is over!!! i'm looking forward yet nervous to enter my next phase of life- work.
1) should i get a permanent job now but with low salary pay and hopefully they will raise my pay when i received my results or should i get a part time job now and look for a permanent job after i received my results?
2) what kind of job should i take? though i would like to take a finance job but after browsing the site, there isn't much finance entry jobs available. But there's a lot of sales and martketing job which i don't like. there's also a lot of high position jobs in finance which i cant apply! haiz, hopefully i can find a job that i like with good working environment and friendly colleagues but i know it may not be so smooth sailing compared to making friends in uni. there will be competitive colleagues and lots of politics. Though i have some working experience but all those are part time jobs- i can be the xiaomeimei and everyone will take care of me and teach me patiently. In real working environment, i can no longer be the xiaomeimei and i need to be independent and cope with all these politics.
3) i gonna sign up for driving test soon. yea finally i set my mind in learning driving after so long. Almost all my friends already had a driving license except me. actually, i'm afraid to take up driving after seeing so many car accidents but i know i need it in the future so gotta be brave gal!
Interesting 2010.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Attention: is a boring post, just feel like blogging about how i feel. So if you are not bored, can skip it :))
Why do i always think so much? or maybe i should say THINK TOO MUCH?it is not the first time people telling me that i think too much, my family..my friends. 90% of those who are close to me say i think too much which i strongly agree. i tried to change but to no avail. i try to think less about certain things by thinking about other things but i just end up bothering about another thing. like omg??? this is so bad, although not to the extent that i'm pessimistic but i can worry about something for very very long. In the end, the matter may just end abruptly and peacefully, which means i actually do not need to worry so much. Maybe i just feel very insecure, maybe i just like things to go on smoothly. Sometimes things may not be so bad, but i may just think negatively and looks at everything in a unpleasant way. I'm always afraid about how others feel about me, i'm very sensitive and i'm worried if i have unintentionally hurt someone by words or actions. But i realised the more careful i am with all these, the less i communicate because i'm afraid. I hate myself for this. But i just cant break through this barrier and it seems like i will feel sad easily, especially at night when there's no one. This is such a bad sign. I just feel so helpless, why cant i be more confident of myself and care less about how others think of me? I should live my own life, to the fullest but apparently i'm not, i'm living to hope people have a good impression of me. I'm always never the extreme, never the wierd, never the unusual. i'm not picky for most of the things. i thought it was a good thing initially but i realised is not. it just means that i have no expectations. I don't know what cause me to be this way, it may be family background that i'm not rich so i do not have high expecations, simply contented with most of the things. I want a change, i tried to change but it seems like the more i try to change, the more unhappy i am. So i do not know.
I know is exams time, and i shouldn't be thinking about all these but feel exceptionally lonely tonight since my dad and mum are not home. so ya... happy mugging for those who are studying! :))
Saturday, May 01, 2010